Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
-Katharine Hepburn
Author: Keith Humphreys
Keith Humphreys is the Esther Ting Memorial Professor of Psychiatry at Stanford University and an Honorary Professor of Psychiatry at Kings College London. His research, teaching and writing have focused on addictive disorders, self-help organizations (e.g., breast cancer support groups, Alcoholics Anonymous), evaluation research methods, and public policy related to health care, mental illness, veterans, drugs, crime and correctional systems. Professor Humphreys' over 300 scholarly articles, monographs and books have been cited over thirteen thousand times by scientific colleagues. He is a regular contributor to Washington Post and has also written for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Monthly, San Francisco Chronicle, The Guardian (UK), The Telegraph (UK), Times Higher Education (UK), Crossbow (UK) and other media outlets. View all posts by Keith Humphreys
Something going on with the missus that you want to discuss, Keith?
With two-career couples the norm, there are more and more commuting marriages. Hollywood anecdote suggests this is not a good long-term plan. Has anybody got real data from a more representative sample?
I’m not sure. What Hepburn said resonates with me. I really don’t understand women and I doubt I ever will. They are very mysterious creatures. Sometimes a little space is a good thing.
À propos your question, there is a widespread belief among certain class of French people that a degree of separation is a key to a long and happy marriage (however one might define such a thing). In particular, I once had a Frenchwoman explain the logic behind the popularity of separate bedrooms for middle and upper class married couples. The separate bedrooms forced the effort of seduction as opposed to simply rolling over and grunting. Keeping one’s marriage fresh, so to speak.
Oh, Lord! Not the old ” mysterious creatures” trope … in 2013?
Thanks for the marginalization.
The late (and much missed) crime fiction writer Robert Parker and his wife lived in separate apartments in the same house. It worked for them. I can’t figure out why anyone wants to live with another person, anyway. I wonder how many committed singletons there are out there?
Tim Burton and Helena_Bonham_Carter have a similar arrangement.
Satre and Beauvoir too, as I remember.
Not quite next door, but when we visited Lincoln’s home in Springfield, Illinois, he and his wife had separate bedrooms. I think that was pretty common among the well-to-do at the time.
Ever see Frida Kahlo & Diego Rivera’s home? They had two houses, side-by-side, with a bridge between:
http://en.wikiarquitectura.com/images/8/85/Casa-estudio_kahlo-rivera_5.jpg
First time I saw a picture of this my jaw dropped. Such a perfect solution to so many relationship problems.
From what I’ve read about them, this is the bare minimum for solving their relationship problems.
The writers Noel Perrin and Anne Spencer Lindbergh had each been married previously, and each already owned their own Vermont home (his in Thetford, hers in Barnet). Neither one wanted to sell their place. So each week they would spend a couple of days at his farm, a couple of days at her home, and a couple of days apart. It worked for them.
Like many other mammalian species, we’re predominantly heterosexual and predominantly homosocial. Strange brew.
I love my wife very much. I enjoy being with her and spending time with her. When I am apart from her for very long it makes me sad.
My ex-wife, on the other hand, is about as far away from me as she can be and still be on the planet Earth. It’s still to close for my taste.