Courtesy of a retired Norwegian politician:
A Dane, A Norwegian and a Swede were sentenced to death for terrible crime. The judge offered each a final wish before the sentence was carried out.
The Dane said “I’d like a beer”.
The Norwegian said “I would like to make a speech”.
The Swede said “I would like to be put to death before he begins his speech”.
Hilarious if you’ve been reading Knausgaard.
Reminds me of Spike Milligan to Harry Secombe “I hope you go before me because I don’t want you singing at my funeral”.
The version that went around back in the early 1990s had a chef, a Medicare administrator, and a doctor. The chef wanted one more chance to make a perfect soufflé. The Medicare administrator wanted one more chance to explain RBRVS. The doctor wanted to be shot at once.
A Higgs boson walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “What’s the matter?”
The Higgs replies: “Exactly.”
A man walks into a bar.
He says: “Ouch”
-TP
I thought Norwegians never retired.
Personally, I’d ask to be executed *after* the speech & hope for a very, very long one (no one said anything about my having to listen to it, right?).
The one I heard was about a Swede and a Finn who share a few bottles of beer.
They drink the first and second one in complete silence.
While drinking the third one, the Swede is getting a bit merry, lifts his bottle and says “Skol!”
During the fourth bottle, the Finn grabs the Swede by the lapels, drags him so they are nose-to-nose and demands “Did we come here to drink or talk?”
(I think the joke was up about morose Scandanavians and their inabilty to hold liquor)
Toby, that sounds like the joke about the two old guys in Vermont.
Each day, they walk to the post office to pick up their mail. Then without saying a word, Eben turns around and walks home down the road to the west while Hiram walks home down the road to the east. Except one day, Hiram takes his mail and heads *south* instead. Eben stares at him in disbelief and asks “Hiram, where the heck do you think you’re going?” Hiram answers “None of your damned business, Eben.” Then he softens a bit, and adds “And if we weren’t such good friends, I wouldn’ta told you that much.”
Huh. I heard that from a Norwegian, with the Swede and Norwegian switched. I thought the stereotype was that Norwegians think of Swedes as boringly pompous, rather than the reverse — is the negative stereotype mutual? That’s got to be pretty unusual: not so much mutual dislike, but two groups that each thinks the other has the same negative attribute.
LB: my sense of the stereotype is the same as yours, and your question is a good one.