As I noted below, Paul Ryan’s proposed budget for next year will adopt the policy of ending Medicare. Of course, we should expect the right wing’s talking points to say that it’s not ending Medicare — it’s just “reforming” it, or “transforming” it, or “modernizing” it etc. etc.
This led commenter “Calling All Toasters” to suggest that
This plan doesn’t end Medicare in the same way that being cut up into steaks doesn’t end the cow.
The literary possibilities are enormous here. A couple of years ago, after Dick Cheney said that he didn’t question Nancy Pelosi’s patriotism but rather her judgment, I invited readers to finish this line: “Dick Cheney questioning someone else’s judgment is like __________.” The consensus winner was “Jeffrey Dahmer criticizing a restaurant menu.”
So we can now try another pattern. Finish this sentence:
Paul Ryan’s budget plan reforms Medicare in the same way that _________________
Have at it.
UPDATE: Reader Mark Kleiman points out that this form is that of a simile, not a metaphor. I have updated.
A chain-saw reforms a tree.
An iceberg reformed the Titanic.
… Robespierre reformed the monarchy.
…. like a book of gift certificates to a brothel preserves marriage.
Criminal prosecution reformed Arthur Andersen.
The Declaration of Independence reformed the 13 colonies.
A good whitewashing spruces up the Sistine Chapel.
BP enhanced the environmental health of the Gulf of Mexico.
…the Enola Gay reformed Hiroshima.
Hitler… wait, I’ve already lost, haven’t I?
… a chop-shop fixes cars.
… Clinton reformed welfare. [Wait, that's kind of accurate.]
My grandma’s bladder ameliorated my sofa after Thanksgiving dinner last year.
… Arbeit Macht Frei.
(claiming a technical exemption from Godwin’s Law)
… Arizona’s Transplant Review Committee saves patients’ lives.
… a vegan eats meat.
… repealing Glass-Steagal improved financial regulation.
dead reforms sick
… a club reforms a seal.
…losing your job reforms your income.
…mountaintop removal mining reforms a mountain (and the valley below).
Let’s get historical!
. . . Cibber reformed Shakespeare. [Bonus for obscurity?]
. . . the Huns reformed the Roman Empire.
. . . the Romans reformed Carthage.
. . . the First Crusade reformed Byzantium.
. . . the Vikings reformed Lindesfarne.
…my shredder reforms my bank statements.
…the Boxers brought urban renewal to the Peking legations.
…the Black Death “right-sized” Europe’s population.
Let’s vote. Mine goes to Ano at 9:15.
Mine to Olof and Robespierre.
George W. Bush ‘reformed’ Saddam Hussein.
Ano’s contribution is outstanding, but may I suggest a minor edit?
a club reforms a *baby* seal.
@Ano’s first comment, “…Hitler references win conversations.”
But to keep the verb concordant, let’s go with “…Ayn Rand reforms Aristotle.”
…an execution reforms a criminal.
…Henry VIII reformed British monasteries.
It occurs to me that Ryan’s proposal, if enacted, would also reform the insurance industry. Because for the seniors who are unable to cover the excess costs of their health care from their own resources, the best financial course would be not to use the vouchers to pay for real health insurance but for something else. And then rely on charity care and rules against hospitals turning patients away for actual care. It would be like the S%L looting process, only at a micro level.
. . . gangrene reforms flesh
. . . Ayn Rand reforms dramatic storytelling
. . . the Wilpon brothers reform the Mets
. . . Fukushima reforms sea water
. . . David Vitter reforms diapers
. . . cocaine reforms Charlie Sheen