Mihály from Budapest visited his friend Jan in Prague, and they went together to the Prague Zoo. As they were observing the pair of lions from above, Jan had the misfortune to fall, and was promptly devoured.
Both the lion and the lioness were marked with poor Jan’s blood, but the zookeepers asked Mihály if he could identify which of the pair had actually swallowed Jan, because the law of the Czech Republic requires that, in such circumstances, the remains be removed for burial, killing the animal in the process.
Mihály averred that it was the lion, and not its mate, that had eaten his friend; he clearly recalled seeing the lion’s mane as Jan disappeared down the creature’s maw.
But, having cut open the lion, the zookeepers were dismayed to find neither hide nor hair of Jan. As a result, they had to kill the lioness as well, and the remains were indeed found in her belly.
And the moral of the story is …
… Never believe a Hungarian when he tells you the Czech is in the male.
Jesus, Mark, you’re not supposed to be smoking that stuff. Prop 19 lost.
Hmm, when I heard that one way back when, it was a Polish joke, they were bears, and the ending was much more umpleasant for the humans.
This might just be the worst joke I’ve ever heard. At least the one whose punch line was “O boyfoot bear with teaks of Chan” had a certain whimsical charm to it. And the one whose punchline was “You’re the spitting image of my mother; how could I ever expectorate with you?” was so gawky and pathetic that it was almost endearing.
But this — ?
Just a month earlier, the lions did the same thing to a young Swiss miss and her pet rabbit: Zookeepers found neither Heidi nor hare of them either.
It turns out that during WWII, the leader of the Czechoslovakian resistance was actually a midget. He was a fierce and ruthless warrior, but late in the war the Nazis were hot on his trail. He went all over the countryside, but every safe house he stopped at had already been compromised. Finally, tired and hungry, he stopped at a lonely farmhouse…his last hope.
He knocked at the door. A kindly old woman answered. He looked up at her and said;
“Excuse me, Ma’am. Can you cache a small Czech?”
What is the shortest distance between two puns?
A Straight line.
The perfect pun results in the death of the Perpetrator.
You agree that certainty.
a very significant article
Thank you for everything
Like Mihaly, Jan’s wife was Hungarian. He couldn’t find a Czech mate.
Oh boy… bad joke thread!
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Chicken run, but chicken hide!
Chuchundra: I thought that’s what Martina Navratilova was supposed to have asked the State Department when she defected?
From the Olympics c. 1970s-80s, when we used to notice that some of the Iron Curtain’s “women athletes” didn’t look particularly feminine:
Spectator, to allegedly female track-and-fielder: “Are you a pole vaulter?”
“No, I’m East Cherman. But how did you know my name vuss Valter?”
Two cannibals talking:
“Boy, your wife sure makes a great dinner”.
“Yeah, but I’m gonna miss her”
It took a while to clean up the lion cage after the unfortunate incident. That’s because it was done by a slow vac.
Matka se rozhodla, že potřebovala začít cvičit, když ji byl šesdesat a začala chodit pět kilometrů každý den. Ted’ jí je devatesat a nemáme žadnou myšlenku kde je.
(When she turned 60, Mom decided that she needed to start exercising and started walking 5 km each day. Now she is ninety and we have no idea where she is.)
This surely counts as cruel, and unusual, pun.ishment.